The following is a devotional I was asked to write for my church's blog, in response to the book "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. It is my reaction to chapter 4: Profile of the Lukewarm
What? Me? Lukewarm?
[insert indignant tone of voice/open mouthed facial expression here]
Me? Why, I work for a church, for crying out loud!
Really? Me?? I help lead worship, after all. I even raise my hands on a regular basis.
Come on, now. Do you have any idea who you’re talking to? Do you have any idea how many thousands of brownies I have made in the name of Ministry over the years?
Seriously. Are you kidding? A lukewarm Christian??? Me???
Yeah. Sounds about right.
So I don’t know about you, but for me, reading through this chapter was a singularly unique experience – kind of like surfing shock waves of truth… a bumpy, unsettling and altogether unpleasant experience… and yet somehow ending up safely on the shores of mercy.
The truth is, I see a whole lotta lukewarm in me. Yes, I love Jesus. Yes, I attend church “3 or more times a month” (according to the survey), and when it comes to drinkin’, smokin’ and cussin’, let’s just say the paparazzi would get pretty bored following me around. But those are just behaviors. If I’ve learned one thing about my life with Jesus, he’s more interested in what’s going on inside of me than what you all see on the outside.
Man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.
1 Sam 16:7
That’s a scary prospect, because believe me, when I see what’s in my heart, I want to run for the hills (and believe you me, they are not alive with the sound of music). I see a heart that’s holding back way more than it is letting go. I see a heart that still does not completely trust its Maker. I see a heart that, for all God has done to heal it, is still more broken than I care to admit.
It hurts to look at yourself that honestly. I do not like it much. But something happens when I confront the ugly, painful truth about myself. As I humbly repent (even while bracing for yet another scathing self abasement), Mercy shows up… and NOT only doesn’t spew me out of His mouth, as I know I deserve… but instead, kisses me right where it hurts.
Mercy and truth have met together; Righteousness and peace have kissed
each other.
Psalm 85:10
Who would’ve thought that in the most frighteningly vulnerable act of exposing my lukewarm heart before a holy God… that I’d find Grace?
Ah yes. Grace for the lukewarm. Not grace for the lukewarm to stay lukewarm. But grace to ride out those wild waves all the way to the shore where Mercy meets Truth... where a girl like me experiences transformation.
