Hell, thy name is Sugar...

Day #4...

When they tell you the first few days of eliminating sugar intake are "no fun", don't believe them.

They are wretched. 

Getting a root canal is "no fun".  Waiting at the DMV and dealing with humorless zombies behind their little windows of self aggrandized power,  is "no fun".  Enduring most of the depressing line up of British voiced narrated TV shows on PBS that my husband seems to love... is "no fun." (and don't get me started on that insipidly boring travel logue guy who has NO RIGHT to get paid for trekking the world and making the most exotic destinations seem unbearably dull). 

I have experienced plenty of things that are "no fun."  Plenty, indeed.  But this sugar detox thing... that belongs in a whole different category:  something more akin to, oh I don't know, hellish torment?

Truly, I don't mean to make light of the reality of hell itself.  I know it is far worse, and I don't mean to suggest that what I am going through can begin to compare to the real suffering that is taking place on earth, even as I write.  If anything, I guess you could say I am merely shedding light on my true, wimpy nature.   I hate suffering.  I really, really, do.

What's more, in these excrutiatingly looooong 3 days, I have become painfully aware of the fact that there is something I hate even more than suffering.  I hate being told "no".  I loathe restrictions, in any form.  Even self imposed ones, which is why I hardly ever impose them on myself. Limitations are just so... limiting, you know?  So I hardly ever set them, rebel that I am.   This is an ugly, ugly thing to face. 

Simultaneous to all of these egregious epiphanies, however, is something I haven't been talking a lot about since I started this journey, but another quiet reality that trumps all of the afore-mentioned "hell'ish" revelations, and is sustaining me through my whining and complaining, even this very second:  the Grace of my Lord Jesus Christ.  In a way it seems silly, and even irresponsible to squander such a priceless treasure on something as pedestrian as dealing with a sugar addiction.  But then I remember these words:

"I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be attained through the law, Christ died for nothing!"  Galatians 2:21

 

And there it is.  I need his Grace-  beginning with salvation, yes, but not ending there, not by a long shot.  I need His Grace for EVERYTHING.  I cannot afford to set it aside, not for a moment.  Especially right now, when nothing in me wants to do what I know is healthy and yields life... when I am tempted to lean on my own understanding and do what "feels" right in the moment (ie. have a clandestine tete a tete with a pan of Ghirardelli brownies)...  ah yes, there is a way that seems right to a man (or, in this case, a chocolate crazed woman), but in the end it leads to death. 

The good I want to do, I cannot do (where have I heard this before?).  Who will rescue me from this body of death?  (boy, this is sounding really familiar). 

Thanks be to God, for His Grace, which is truly sufficient... and which I am leaning on more, and more.

I may screw up.  Maybe even today.  But I am leaning on His grace, nonethless.  I can't afford not to. 

Sugar Shock

Who is STUPID enough to try to give up sugar on Halloween?

This girl here [raising hand].

It all started, see, the day before, at my annual check up... or should I say after the jarring shock of being woken up out of the blissful state of denial I have been in for a good long time as to the reality of my dietary trajectory, and the bad, bad places it is taking me. I guess you could say it started months before, when I embarked on said trajectory, but let's stick to the point.  I was now facing the painful dilemma of deciding which is more depressing:  Dealing with my sugar addiction... or the consequences of NOT dealing with it. 

I think they made a Meryl Streep movie about this. 

So anyway, in a very "uncharacteristic-of-me" fashion, I actually did more than just feel  momentarily "convicted" (code phrase for "feel bad, shrug shoulders and move on")...
I made a quality decision to do the hardest, most ridiculously radical thing I could think to do:  stop eating sugar.  Or at least try. 

So that's just what I did.  A whole day, filled with soup and salad and healthy, hearty, sugar free snackies...  I even bought 4 bags of Halloween candy (the good stuff, too, not the crappy stuff older kids try to pawn off on their younger, naive siblings), and partook of none of it.  What's more, I'll have you know that I actually survived Trick or Treating with my daughter, without so much as stealing a fun-sized Snickers when she wasn't looking (don't act like you've never done this).  Proud of myself, I was...

And then it was time to go to Grandma's house.  Grandma, who has never read the Purpose Driven Life, but if she had, would find that hers is somehow connected to showering the people she loves with food, glorious food... including an ever exploding cornucopia of dessert items

It was seriously like an Alfred Hitchcock movie. Every time I turned it around:

[SCREEECH! SCREECH! SCREECH!] COOKIES ...

[SCREEECH! SCREECH! SCREECH!] CANDY ...

[SCREECH! SCREECH! SCREECH!] ICE CREEEEEEEAAAAAAMMMMM!!!!
 

Finally, having made it through the horrific labyrinth of high glycemia, as we are departing, with my hand nearly on the doorknob...

 

[SCREECH! SCREECH! SCREECH!]   SHE HOLDS OUT A CARTON (yes, a CARTON) of CUPCAKES... expecting us to take them home.

 

She has since been locked in the basement. 
 

But the important thing is, I did it. At least for one day. All things considered, though, I think I should get a medallion or something like they give out in AA, to have survived this highest holy day of complex carbohydrate consumption.

 

  If I accomplish nothing else in life, I can say I have done this one thing.   Or, maybe I could set the bar a little higher and see if I can keep going.  I'm already 36 hours in... Who knows? 

 

Showing Up

"Sooo... what's God doing in YOUR life?"

Don't you just LOVE this question?  Seems innocuous enough... to the naive, that is.  To a recovering cynic like me, however, who boldly sees layer upon layer of innuendo and hidden agendas where no man has seen before... it is nothing more than a subtle barometric tool meant to measure ones' reaction to being put on the spot.   

Ever have someone ask you this question, say in a group setting (around a circle is always great, with everyone intensely staring each other down in an OK Corral kind of way), and you find yourself going into this instant internal panic mode… wracking your brain in a desperate attempt to come up with something good and dramatic to top (or at least keep up with) all the other spiritual Jones's and/or glowing testimonies in the circle before you?    Yeah, me neither.  That never happens to me. 

Ok, I’m lying.  In fact, it just happened to me.  I was in just such a circly situation, and though I know God is always at work, my mind was drawing a complete blank… and as half of me listened with awe and wonderment to story after story of all the cool stuff Jesus is doing to and through my spiritual friends, the other half of me was thinking, “I got nothin.  This is not good.”

Let me clarify.  It’s not that I don’t think God is doing anything in my life.  It’s just that sometimes it doesn’t seem very “made for tv”, or even “made for circle time” by comparison.  It just seems insignificant. You know, little stuff... like the Fatherly way His voice whispers words of direction I so very much need in the midst of my cluttered, chaotic day.  The surprising way He actually uses me to speak wisdom into someone’s life (huh, did those sage words really just come out of MY mouth?)  The “random” way He pops someone’s name into my mind in the middle of a sleepless night to pray for them, only to find out the next day why… The sneaky way he uses the most unlikely source to speak jarring words of encouragement to me just when I least expect it… and just when I needed them most.

It’s little stuff, really.  Nothing dramatic.  And yet, by the time it was my time to share, I realized, that IS what he’s doing in my life.  Showing up.  In a thousand little ways.  Usually I’m so deaf and blind, I can’t see or hear him… or at least I’m on this delayed timer, and don’t realize it until after the fact.  But the fact is, He is ENGAGING… with me!   Actually taking time to LISTEN, TALK TO, and even USE  me for His glory.  Amazing. 

So I guess you could say what God is doing in my life right now is, well…  showing up… in a lot of little ways.   And come to think of it, this is a pretty big deal.   

Sooo… what’s God doing in YOUR life?  ;^)

FIFTY THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY HUSBAND

Today is my husband Ken's 50th birthday.  In honor of this momentous occasion, I have taken it upon myself to list 50 things that I love about him.  This list is neither exhaustive nor in prioritized order... but it is all true.  Every bit of it!


WHAT I LOVE ABOUT KEN: 

50.  That he considers 10 hours a short work day. 

49.  The way he explains the thermal coefficient of steel over and over again ever so patiently, knowing I will only have a marginal understanding at best.

48.  The playful way he mocks my home town of Elmira, NY, as if we all popped off the set of Green Acres. 

47.  Although  he cooks, cleans, launders, irons and basically does anything domestic better than me, he does not let that interfere with the delicate balance of nature in our home.

46.  I know without question he would lay down his life for Felicity and me… or at least sustain an injury from slipping on the casings...

45.  His linear thinking to offset my nonlinear freakfest of a brain.

44.  His creative take on song lyrics:, without even realizing he is rewriting them  (eg.  KC & The Sunshine Band:  "Do a little dance... sing a little song... get down tonight!)

43.  That he knows EV.RY.THING.

42.  His impression of Golom.

41.  The way he chases Felicity around.

40.  The way he chases the cat around.

39.  The way he chases me around.

38.  That he not only knows Scripture, he lives it out.

37.  When he tells me “you’re seldom wrong, but never without an answer!”

36.  That he is the machine whisperer. 

35.  No one on earth laughs like him.

34.  His first face-to-face words to me:   "You’re pretty.  Cool.”

33.  His guitar stylings.

32.  His Lou Rawls impression.

31.  His ear splitting cadence calls.

30.  That he is the only person I know who not only thinks to create zoned heating for the house, but actually knows how to do it… and does it!

29.  The way he cares for us in thousands of decisions he makes every day, week, month and year to put us first.

28.  That wherever he goes, he is the smartest person in the room, and everyone, deep in their heart, knows it. 

27.  His secret love of pop culture.

26.  How he is the best example of a Clockmaker I know  (which will only make sense if you are familiar with Jim Collins' "Good to Great" book)

25.  His extreme generosity.

24.  How he loves to learn.

23.  Two words:  Handsome Warrior

22.  His beautiful green eyes, boring a hole into my soul like the 80 year old picture of  his Aunt Imelda hanging on our wall

21.  How he honors his mother, and cares for her.

20.  His faithfulness to our family.

19.  How on our honeymoon he knew more about the Mayans than our Mexican tourguides.

18.  The way he tries to teach me proper radio listening etiquette when NPR is on and I can’t contain myself one second longer without responding to the airwaves with incredulity. 

17.  How he loves his brothers.

16.  His freakishly intense tenacity.

15.  How he gave my mother a hug and told her “You did a good job” after coming back from my father’s funeral.

14.  That he let me pick out the kitchen cabinet handles.

13.  That he still occasionally says “Nancy is nice!”

12.   That he could care less about football.

11.   How he calls me his "Testa Rosa" 

10.  That he has not only won me over to Star Trek, but occasionally PBS

  9.  The way he knew about Ruth and Boaz when we were Eharmonizing

  8.  That he is not just knowledgeable, but possesses great wisdom. 

  7.  His love of blowing things up.

  6.  The way he sings.  It brings me joy.

  5.  That anything he does, he does extremely, thoroughly and freakishly well.

4.  That he is so glad he married a rich woman ;^)

3.  That everyone who knows him knows him to be a man of honor, integrity, faithfulness and sheer brilliance. 

2.  That he loves me… and Felicity. 

1.  That he loves the Lord with all his heart, soul, mind, and strength. 

(ok, so the last 2 were in proper order!)

 

I love you, Ken Carmichael, with all my heart. 

Remember, darling:  Life is short.  So we must live.

Selective Outrage

Ok, so if I understood my morning car radio session with NPR correctly, I should be very concerned about the integrity of a person (Mitt Romney) who refuses to submit his tax returns.   This election, after all, is about character.

Hmmm...     [sound of hamster wheel spinning in head]

So...   If I ask "why there was not a similar outrage by some over Timothy Geitner's tax evasion as there is about Mitt Romney's refusal to disclose his tax returns?", it's not because I think he (Mitt) shouldn't discose his taxes. I think he should. I just think we are selectively outraged, depending on our alliances, that's all.

It happens again and again and again, and I am incredulous that no one seems to be able to recognize it. 

   Both sides have huge flaws and significant amounts of corruption, greed, power grabbing and manipulation... and their die-hard supporters have major blind spots, not to mention the makings for some serious back pain from all the bendy wendy gymnastics to justify their side and villify the opposing side. Republicans do it. Democrats do it. I have done it. And I am sick of, and hereby repenting of it.

Can we not be honest with ourselves? Can we not just admit that when we engage in this kind of finger pointing, we are saying more about ourselves than what we claim to believe in?

In the end, we are fooling ourselves if we really think this is about seeking and defending truth. We are seekers and defenders of self. Period.

The View

It was your typical Saturday night on Goat Island.  From our vantage point, here’s what we saw: 

Highwire walker at 2 o’clock…  Lesbian wedding at 10 o’clock… and a cadre of Burmese monks demonstrating for democracy dead ahead at 12 o’clock.

Something for everyone.

Forget about scenery…  I mean if you’re into that…  whatever floats your boat.     But what I love most about Niagara Falls is the humanity.  Sure, ok, the Falls themselves are great, too… but we’ll get to that.  Allow me to digress for just a moment. 

Where else can you go in Western NY, or for that matter, anywhere, to literally see the world come together with no other agenda than simply to enjoy the view?  With so many other things that take us in so many different and divisive directions,  we have this phenomenal focal point right here in our own back yard, and that, my friends,  is indeed a wondrous thing. 

Whatever your background, backstory, beliefs or lack thereof, the thing that truly makes the Falls a wonder in this age of ever-increasing people  polarization, is that those things  just don’t matter here.  The stuff that in every other venue in life, so beckons us to prod each other about our differences, frankly isn’t so important here.  Not your views on life.  Not mine.  Only The View, regardless of our worldviews.   Everyone gets to enjoy it.  Period.   

And why is this?  Maybe it’s because NF is one of the few places in the world that reminds us there’s actually something grandios-er out  there than our own sense of self.  Maybe that’s why 12 million plus people of all shapes, sizes,  colors and clans flock to it every year – just to shut out the small world as we know it, if only for a few moments, lose ourselves in the giant, swirling mist cloud rising up from overpowering,  turbulent waters below,  and soak in a sense of what grandiose really means. 

In light of all that, our clashing lifestyles seem a little insignificant. 

Now don’t get me wrong.  I have a definite world view, and I’m sure it would make at least some of you not want to friend me on facebook.  But… I bet if we were standing next to each other at the Falls on a Saturday night…  at least for those few moments, anyway…  you wouldn’t care one bit.  And neither would I.

We’d be too busy enjoying The View.  

That Crazy Seth Godin...

I was going to name this post "I hate Seth Godin"... but then I realized I already have a "I have John Eldredge" post... would hate to establish a pattern...

But he did really annoy me this morning. Just read this, from his blog this morning:

The first thing you do when you sit down at the computer
Let me guess: check the incoming. Check email or traffic stats or messages from your boss. Check the tweets you follow or the FB status of friends.You've just surrendered not only a block of time but your freshest, best chance to start something new.If you're a tech company or a marketer, your goal is to be the first thing people do when they start their day. If you're an artist, a leader or someone seeking to make a difference, the first thing you do should be to lay tracks to accomplish your goals, not to hear how others have reacted/responded/insisted to what happened yesterday

Where does he get off, assuming I do this?

Never mind the fact that he's absolutely right.

I mean, what right does he have to take me to task and shed light on my complacency and consumer mindset?

Who told him he had permission to provoke me out of my malaise? To inspire me to develop productive habits? To challenge me to do what I know deep down is exactly what I should be doing, but have been frankly too fearful and lazy to do it, choosing instead to retreat, and wonder why I have been stuck in this rut for so long?

Seriously. Who does Seth Godin think he is, anyway?

All I know is that the guy really agitated me this morning.

And I am thanking God for him.